apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
