Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
