I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
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