drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
