Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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