just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
