I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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