if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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