Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
you inspire me to be a worse person
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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