before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
