Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
