dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
