we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
