My room smells like vodka and shame
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
