he puts the penis in happiness.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
