so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
