Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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