She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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