What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize