thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
