there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
