i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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