whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
