There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
