you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
