she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
