After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Just pee around me
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
