How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
