im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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