Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
