i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
