my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
