Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
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