I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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