i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
