So drunk its hurt
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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