What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
