You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
