oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
