I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
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