Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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