I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
