Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Randomize
