Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
