So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
