i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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