He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
