I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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