the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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