she was so not down for the gang bang
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
