as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
