The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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