I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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