Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
