Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
