Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
