5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
