My hair reeks of homosexuality.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
