a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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