You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
ugly people sure do ruin things
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
