a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize