I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
