He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
