So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
