i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
