So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
